Mini-Hiatus

We leave for the UK tomorrow. I am not sure how frequently I will be posting to this blog while we're away. If I have something major to complain about, of course I'll indulge you all. But if it's simply happy posts and pictures, I'll likely post them all on Dori's blog. Please keep checking http://crockbaby.blogspot.com for updates.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you all!

Fudge

Dori also loved it.

Hmmmm...

The burnt fudge was a hit. Big time. Someone even said it was the best fudge she ever ate. Go figure! Maybe burning the chocolate chips a bit is the key?

What is wrong with me????

I have a problem. Seriously. I can not do anything right in the kitchen. I don't get it. I am pretty good at most things I put my mind to. We are hosting James' band party at our house tomorrow night and we're responsible for providing the desserts. We decided to make something, rather than buy, because it is seems so much nicer (in theory) and my cupcakes for Dorian's birthday party were a success. I have memories of making fudge with my mother during the holidays when I was growing up, so I decided to tackle fudge-making. I looked up "Easiest Fudge Recipe" on Google and went with "Extra Easy Fudge." You melt 2 cups of chocolate chips in a saucepan, then mix together with 2 cans of store-bought chocolate frosting. Then pour in a pan and stick in the fridge until they harden. What could go wrong, right?

Um, EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I ended up burning the chocolate chips, but thought they would still be okay in the recipe (they only burned a LITTLE bit and I thought the frosting was so sweet it would cover it up). I didn't read the part about buttering the tinfoil on the pan before putting the fudge in (though I should get some points for at least covering the pan with tinfoil as directed). I just cut the fudge, but it was way too soon and I just made a horrible, gloopy mess of one side of the pan, and all the fudge is sticking to the tinfoil in ugly streaks. I made the mistake of trying a bite and damn, they taste horribly burnt. What a waste of $7 and 30 minutes. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!

What is it? Why can't I do "cooking?" It seems that every time I see my Grandma, we have some kind of conversation about how I need to learn to cook or how I should be at least preparing dinners for my husband and child. And I always say I don't like to. Well, next time, I should just say "I'm obviously genetically fucked when it comes to cooking." My parents and brother don't cook either, though I certainly don't think they have the extreme issues I do. James never messes up anything in the kitchen. He baked a gorgeous carrot cake for the party last year (never having baked a cake before) and it was to die for. I think I need to be banned from the kitchen. (James, are you listening? Please!!!!!!!!!!)

Countdown...

We leave for our 3 week trip to England on Monday, December 22nd. There are a million and one things to do before then:

Today, Dec 12: Study Statistics (with 30 minute procrastination session in which to write a blog).
Saturday, Dec 13: 6 hour Statistic class, my work holiday party at night.
Sunday, Dec 14: Statistics final exam in the morning, then we're hosting a holiday party for Dorian's Gymboree pals and their parents in the afternoon.
Monday & Tuesday, Dec 15 & 16: Temp work for my mom at the hospital during the day, complete FAFSA (financial aid for college forms) Monday night, host Tempest band party Tuesday night.
Wednesday-Friday, Dec 17-19: Watch Dorian all 3 days so James can record with his band members. Dori and I will finish Christmas shopping, pack for trip, write and mail Christmas cards, see people we have to see before we leave, run errands, get Dorian a haircut (I butchered his hair about a month ago and can't have him arriving in England looking disheveled). I will complete web orientation for Pharmacology and Pathophysiology online courses in the evenings.
Saturday, Dec 20: Nutcracker matinee, followed by 2 holiday parties (we were invited to 4 that day, but can only make 2, possibly only 1!)
Sunday, Dec 21: "Christmas" with my family, finish laundry and packing, tidy house so it's not a mess when we return. (Also, my parents are using it to host a New Year's Eve party while we're away.)
Monday, Dec 22: Race around doing everything last minute, likely helping James find everything (he'll have lost his passport and wallet, among other things, even though I will have repeatedly told him to find them weeks in advance). Arrive at SFO 3-4 hours in advance to ensure we get the bulkhead seats since Dorian will be with us and we didn't purchase a separate seat for him. Fly out of SFO at 6:30pm. Pray that Dorian sleeps the whole flight.
Tuesday, Dec 23: Arrive at Heathrow 1pm (UK time), take train to Exeter, get picked up by Graham, likely arrive at James' childhood home around 8 or 9pm. Straight to bed, we hope!
Wednesday, Dec 24 - Christmas Eve: The real fun begins!!!!!

Betrayal

It is so fitting this post should come after my last post "Love," which if you read, will know was all about my love for my husband, stability, certainty. Don't worry, the almighty James did not snap after reading the post. I just found out a friend of a friend is recently single. Her husband left her for another woman. They have a baby a couple months older than Dorian. You hear about this happening too often! Or when the woman is pregnant, or with a tiny little newborn. What is WRONG with men???? It's rarely the woman who leaves, at least while she's pregnant or with a young child. It's always some horny bastard with a one-thought agenda. Sorry, I am not a man-hater. I have been very lucky to have strong male figures in my life...my father, my cousin Eric, my brother (questionable), my grandfather, James and numerous male teachers. I love men, sometimes more than women. Heck, I am outnumbered at home, though Dorian's gender is still up for grabs (he's wearing tights at the moment, loves my lipgloss, and thinks my necklaces are the best thing ever).

I was betrayed by my first love. You never get over the hurt. I wouldn't want to. I feel it makes me more empathetic to other women/men in the same situation. I ached for months. Even after James and I got together, I still couldn't speak about the guy without so much anger and disgust. In the beginning, I thought it was me, that I wasn't pretty enough, thin enough, sexy enough. After we broke up (I finally called it off because I was sick of his cheating ways), I lost weight, bleached my hair blonde, tanned every day (I was in Santa Barbara), dressed trendier, and went out partying every night. I certainly "lived it up" for awhile if you know what I mean. But I was covering up uncertainty about my break-up and intense pain of still loving this person who betrayed me so badly. And we had only been together off and on for 2 years. I can not imagine what someone who is married with a child feels when her partner leaves her.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that most men are scum. And if you find a good one, don't ever let him near other women. Why do you think I'm going back to work and James is staying home with Dorian? Although, I sometimes wonder if I need to rethink this...he goes to playgroups and Gymboree every day where he is usually the only father present. And now there are women whose husbands have left them...in other words, single. Hmmmmmm. Maybe I should just ban James to the house for the rest of his days.

Love

I have the best husband in the world. I love watching him with our son. There is nothing like seeing Dorian look at him like he is the most amazing person who has ever existed, or hearing him giggle hysterically because of something James did. I read somewhere that many people get divorced within a year or two after having their first child together. It can be a very stressful time. We certainly have argued more over the past year than we ever did before. We seriously never had a real argument before Dorian came along, and we had been together for 7 years (now 8)! We have been so sleep-deprived for the past year. (Before you ask, no, Dorian still doesn't sleep.) There are some days where we literally feel ill from exhaustion. Throw in other stressful events (that time of the month, too much work on James' plate, my whole nursing school drama, etc) and voila, prime environment for marital tension. There have been times when we have taken it out on each other. James is always the first to apologize. (I don't do apologies, because I'm always right.) But it has been wonderful actually. We've been able to work past these little snits. Divorce never crosses our minds. It's lovely to feel so secure in your relationship, to just KNOW you're meant to be with this person for the rest of your life. I can't get enough of him...sadly for him, I'm not talking in the sexual sense here. I just mean we spend a lot of time together at the moment since neither one of us is working. And yet, we still enjoy each other's company. We often walk together, go on errands together, just be together. We certainly spend loads of time in our home together. Dorian is so happy when the two of us are together with him. He smiles whenever we kiss. He LOVES watching us together. It makes me so content to know we're able to provide him with this stability. I feel for people who have to do it on their own. I am so lucky. I love our little family.

Back to the grind

I just spoke with my employer at the accounting firm and I will officially return to my old position of administrative assistant on January 19, 2009. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I lead a charmed life. How lucky I was to fall into that job (I started off as a 3-week temp, assisting them for the holidays in 2005). The job paid well enough that it allowed James and I to pay off all our debt and save for our year off with Dorian. It allowed me to take my prerequisite courses for nursing school...my employers were so flexible about allowing me to switch to a part-time schedule, even allowing me to choose the days and times I worked. They were supportive of my pregnancy and allowed me to take 4 months off for maternity leave and then telecommute for them after Dorian arrived. I left them this past summer because I knew I was going to start nursing school in the fall. They even gave me a nice bonus when I left (this was not the first bonus I received from them either). When nursing school fell through and I got back in touch with them, they were more than happy to offer me my old job back. I can't think many employers would be so supportive of their employees, particularly when they knew I wasn't going to be there forever. I am excited to be returning to work!

I did it!

I cooked dinner for my family last night. Nothing special by anyone else's standards but it tasted damn good and I'm proud.

I made steamed broccoli, steamed spinach, mushrooms lightly sauteed in olive oil, pasta with pesto sauce, and meatballs (which I handmade out of soy protein and cooked in olive oil). We had tangerines and No Pudge Fudge brownies for dessert.

The food was good but I can't say I really enjoyed the preparation. Still, I told James maybe I'll try to cook dinner once a week. Or maybe once a month.

A rare sight