Betrayal

It is so fitting this post should come after my last post "Love," which if you read, will know was all about my love for my husband, stability, certainty. Don't worry, the almighty James did not snap after reading the post. I just found out a friend of a friend is recently single. Her husband left her for another woman. They have a baby a couple months older than Dorian. You hear about this happening too often! Or when the woman is pregnant, or with a tiny little newborn. What is WRONG with men???? It's rarely the woman who leaves, at least while she's pregnant or with a young child. It's always some horny bastard with a one-thought agenda. Sorry, I am not a man-hater. I have been very lucky to have strong male figures in my life...my father, my cousin Eric, my brother (questionable), my grandfather, James and numerous male teachers. I love men, sometimes more than women. Heck, I am outnumbered at home, though Dorian's gender is still up for grabs (he's wearing tights at the moment, loves my lipgloss, and thinks my necklaces are the best thing ever).

I was betrayed by my first love. You never get over the hurt. I wouldn't want to. I feel it makes me more empathetic to other women/men in the same situation. I ached for months. Even after James and I got together, I still couldn't speak about the guy without so much anger and disgust. In the beginning, I thought it was me, that I wasn't pretty enough, thin enough, sexy enough. After we broke up (I finally called it off because I was sick of his cheating ways), I lost weight, bleached my hair blonde, tanned every day (I was in Santa Barbara), dressed trendier, and went out partying every night. I certainly "lived it up" for awhile if you know what I mean. But I was covering up uncertainty about my break-up and intense pain of still loving this person who betrayed me so badly. And we had only been together off and on for 2 years. I can not imagine what someone who is married with a child feels when her partner leaves her.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that most men are scum. And if you find a good one, don't ever let him near other women. Why do you think I'm going back to work and James is staying home with Dorian? Although, I sometimes wonder if I need to rethink this...he goes to playgroups and Gymboree every day where he is usually the only father present. And now there are women whose husbands have left them...in other words, single. Hmmmmmm. Maybe I should just ban James to the house for the rest of his days.