Bye for now

I didn't do well on my first Fundamentals exam. No one in the class did. The highest score was an 84. The highest!!!! Crazy. They don't grade on a curve unfortunately. Everyone else got in the 60s and 70s with a few 40s and 50s, I believe. I got a 65!!!! A 65!!! How is that possible???? I haven't done that poorly on an exam since high school when I decided I couldn't do math or science and kind of just gave up. I've never felt so stupid in all my life.

I am terrified I'm not going to make it. Everyone is. Most people didn't make the 75 mark. At least I'm not the only one. But it means we have to make above 75 on the next 2 exams in order to continue in the program. I have to make 80 on the next two in order to pass. No pressure or anything. I cried for like 5 hours last night. Seriously. Class was actually quite funny this morning. Everyone had puffy eyes and talked about how they've never cried so hard in all their life. I wish I had recorded it.

So, it's going to be studying 24/7 for me for the next month. The next Fundamentals exam is in 10 days. Then 2 weeks after that is the third one. I have to pass them. I have to. There's no alternative. I wouldn't make it into another nursing school because the F would show up on my transcript, and it's the same transcript my prerequisites are on. I can't not be a nurse. I can't have worked this hard and sacrificed so much only to fail!!!! What the hell will we do if I don't make it? We can't afford for me not to become a nurse - we're blowing through our savings at the moment and have a baby to provide for. I have never felt so much pressure in all my life.

So if I don't respond to emails or messages over the next month, don't take it personally. Please send good thoughts my way!!! I can do it. I know I can. I am smart and capable. I will do this.